I'm going to take some advice and try spanking my pussy. All I have is a hardwood paddle so I'll be starting slowly since I know from experiance it packs a wallop on ones ass. I do not have or want a dom. I simply want you to tell me what you'd like to do to me if you were in control. I want to think about it while I experiment with new sensations. It makes me hot beyond belief to know that I am on display for you around the world and I am not in control of who's looking.



Back Story: I've had thoughts of dominating/enslaving women for use as sex slaves, farm pet training, pony training, breeding for International adoption, and permanant lactation as long as I can remember. The first twinges started in first grade (simple stuff) and got very detailed by eleventh grade. I have never done anything about these desires.



I have since about fourth grade practiced strange insertions, knitting needles inserted anally, small pill bottles vaginally, and once I drank my own piss.



Since about 28 I've been practiced self-inflicted nipple torture, once clipped them and then tightly leashed them to the steering wheel for a two hour drive and then masturbated while driving the last half hour from work to home. Tightly clamped nipples are a sure fire way to make me sloppy wet and easier to facilitate larger insertions.



My current goal is to insert the largest/fattest cylindrical object I can into my pussey (eventually an unopened soda can) keeping it in all day with my nipples kept taut with the smallest O rings I can manage to get on them then at the end of the day when no one is home yet forcing an orgasm with the shower massage while not expelling whatever I've managed to stuff inside my cunt then finally with legs spread wide seeing if I can cum from spanking myself and I'm not talking outer lips I'm thinking inner lips, clit and vaginal opening. I know this will take time and lots of practice since I really don't know my pain threshold is. Actually it never fills like pain, to me it is very erotic and the sensation produced from nipple torture is so sensatioally linked to my vagina that I can't discern the pain until long after the orgasms, usually the next day when i go to put my bra on or the shower spray hits a nipple at just the angle.

I'm HOPING that CUNT SPANKING will just be an INTENSIFIED version of what I get from nipple play. I made a set of what kaya over on LJ calls extra ouchy clothespins I like to grab the tip of my nipples with them and after a few deep breaths I start play with my clit and then when the sensation is overpowering I get the biggest pillow I can find shove it under my ass and fuck myself into oblivion with whatever's handy afterwards I unleash my nipples and sleep in the huge wet spot. Most of the time I'm still sloppy wet when I wake up.



This blog is my outlet. I need to tell the world what I do, what I want to do, I need to show the world my naked tits, my cunt stuffed with ordinary household objects but to do it any other way would hurt the people I love. If I could I would fling open my curtains and the window and let everyone watch me. When I was 26 I knew I could concievably become a life sex show slut, all I wanted was to be fucked over and over by anyone and everyone but I knew that was too dangerous and I managed to bury my most depraved fantasies. But here I am hoping to live some of them out using blogger as my open window.



I understand why you might be concerned that I'm opening myself up to possibly dangerous people but I need this and when I'm done I'll always know that people are still looking in my window that my depravity is forever on display and I'll never know how many people have looked or even reposted my pictures elsewhere (you can if you want). Or if my own family has been here. Think about it you could be my brother, sister, cousin, aunt or uncle, my inlaws, ex-husbands, my co-workers (shame on you too), ex-lovers, or my best friend. That's what I need and maybe if I get good at this I'll do the whole webcam, video clips, thing and realize the dream I had at 26 although I certainly had a better body then (100lbs ago) I'm better at understanding my needs now. Plus plenty of you are BBW lovers.